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With “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” it’s clear that someone let director/master of destruction Michael Bay off the leash.
When there’s a hand on Bay’s shoulder, cinema is graced with sublimely ridiculous results like “The Rock” and “Bad Boys II.” But never before has anyone unleashed the type of unrelenting onslaught of action that Bay does in the latest “Transformers” film and the end product is painful. Extremely painful.
Here’s where a plot description would be if there were any semblance of a story in the film — but guess what, it took three screenwriters (Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci) to punch out a few pages of asinine dialogue and the rest was left up to Bay.
The film picks up two years after the last with Sam (the always affable Shia LaBeouf) heading off to college and dealing with a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend Mikaela (fanboy wet dream Megan Fox). This is where robots come in and blast the living hell out of one another; over and over and over.
The first “Transformers” film, while no masterpiece, was a fun ride in which we discovered these alien robots through the eyes of Sam, the likable yet unlikely hero. However, in the franchise’s latest installment, there’s barely a moment for LaBeouf to LaBeouf it up. Shia is, instead, relegated to be an action figure that Bay flings around in his multi-million dollar sandbox.
The film truly leaves the viewer feeling numb on every level. It’s clear that the characters don’t matter when the final battle is 45 minutes of CGI robots causing a ruckus at the Pyramids of Giza. The movie is filled with groan-worthy moments like John Turturro in a jock strap, a small robot humping Fox’s leg, big brass Decepticon testicles and two Autobots that act like the most egregious racial stereotype this side of a minstrel show (yes, it’s that offensive).
Normally, one can walk away from a Michael Bay film with some excitement over a cool action scene or truly memorable moment, but “Transformers,” with a run time of two and a half hours, leaves you broken, battered and bruised. Optimus Prime’s iconic line is “One shall rise, one shall fall.” In this case, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” rises straight to the top of the list for worst film of the year thus far.
2/5 Stars
