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Reasons 'Horns don't give flying hoot about Owls
By J. Ridewood
This coming Saturday, the Longhorns play the perpetually putrid Rice Owls. It's true that most fans might overlook Rice as just another creampuff on our predominantly creampuff non-conference schedule, but I get fired up for this rivalry. The aTm [sic] Aggies are the University's oldest rivalry and OU most hated, but nothing angers me more than those jerks at Rice. In fact, I can only think of one thing I like about the school: alum and Astros first baseman Lance Berkman. I love Lance. He's like a big, huggable bear who hits a ton of RBIs every year.
I can, however, think of plenty of things I dislike about those jerks at Rice. Here are a few: • In the Princeton Review's 2007 rankings, Rice was listed first for "Best Quality of Life," but last time I checked Rice was still in Houston. With all of its humidity and donut shops, I'm pretty sure no one in Houston has a high quality of life (except maybe the people who own all those donut shops). • Only a smug school would name have a mascot like the owl. Though I suppose after all the beatings Rice students took in high school, they might have gained some owl-like wisdom at some point. Rice really needs to schedule the Maryland University Terrapins next year so we can finally settle who has a lamer mascot. • Much of Rice's important research has been in the field of nanotechnology. Nothing could prove that Rice doesn't belong in Texas like that tidbit. Don't they know that Texans like everything big? Now if they could build a microprocessor the size of El Paso, then Texans might be proud to house a university like Rice. • I don't have the figures to back this up, but every student at Rice was either president of his or her school's Latin club or was that one dude who took AP Bio a little too seriously. • Rice alumnus Robert Curl won the Noble Prize in chemistry in 1996 for discovering fullerene and creating quantum cascade laser-based mid-infrared trace gas monitoring instrumentation. Ugh, like that's remotely impressive. The Texan strives to present all information fairly, accurately and completely.
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Viewing Comments 1 - 5 of 6
Stace
posted 9/20/07 @ 11:22 AM CST
I think that Ridewood, who wrote this article was just bitter that he didn't get into Rice and I don't appreciate the fact that he is bashing Houston when a majority of people who are at UT came from there. (Continued…)
Freddy
posted 9/20/07 @ 2:21 PM CST
You are just jealous of our Ivy League status & you couldn't get in!
Rob
posted 9/20/07 @ 5:41 PM CST
Don't forget to mention Rice's baseball team, they suc... Oh wait, that's right, the creampuff school is ranked higher. Great article.
Tom McDougall
posted 9/21/07 @ 1:16 PM CST
Is J. Riddlewood actually a college student? This "editorial" sounds like it was written by an illiterate 9th grader. J must be a product of the 10% rule and his graduating class numbered 9. (Continued…)
Nicole Harold
posted 9/23/07 @ 3:08 PM CST
wow, those are some definite cheap shots. Im an Aggie but to put down one of the top schools in the nation is a bit childish and ignorant. For a state that is in the south, we are lucky to have a prestigious school in Texas. (Continued…)
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